I found out I was pregnant a few hours after the father broke up with me and my mental health and self esteem spiralled. During the days I tried to function normally and conceal the morning sickness so no one would find out. At work I would forget simple words because of the anxiety fog.

I spent weeks at a time drunk to numb the anxiety/guilt/shame/sadness/fear. I continued to work and drive despite being drunk and I have no idea how I didn’t raise any suspicions. I am usually strongly against drink driving and rarely drink but I could not handle reality.

I stopped seeing friends, and stopped all of my hobbies due to shame and stigma.

I became acutely paranoid and jumpy. At night I couldn’t sleep without pills. I didn’t allow myself to sleep on the bed or use blankets because I believed I was a terrible person. Every tiny sound convinced me someone was trying to break into my house after finding out that I was having an abortion.

I barely ate a thing Because I thought that if I didn’t support my body it wouldn’t support another life and I could get out of the problem without anyone else knowing.

My shame delayed me seeking help and so I had to have a more complex procedure.

I was in this state because of the stigma against abortion. As you can see I was in no fit state to become a mother. And yet societal opinions meant I was afraid to ask for help. And this stigma was not in my head. I lost a friend of 16 years due to my decision and was told by a smirking GP that he “didn’t know how you would get a treatment like that”. I needed help not judgement. I needed support not isolation. Abortion Stigma steals women’s voices when we need them the most.

Thankfully I was able to have the termination and while I sometimes wonder, I never regret. I am certain that if I had not had this abortion my mental health would have declined further. While the emotional recovery has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’ve now reached a level of self awareness, compassion, and acceptance that I otherwise couldn’t even have dreamed.

Recent Posts

See All

Real Stories of Abortion

I've been having ongoing period problems which had only started being investigated. Although continued bleeding was nothing new a test to rule out pregnancy was positive. I was relieved that it's avai

Real Stories of Abortion

Yesterday was my second abortion. My first one was an easy choice as I was just a teenager, dating, and clueless. Even though it hurt emotionally, it was still an easy choice. This time it was more d

Real Stories of Abortion

Please know: It's OK to be OK. Abortion should be a rational choice and if you're NOT feeling wracked by guilt, that just proves you're doing the right thing. Covid, with lockdown and economic chaos