On April 11th I had an abortion at 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It is now December 9th and I am not pregnant and as happy as I am to not have the responsibility of a child, I think of it every single day. I am finishing my semester and it is hard to think that I would have had a holiday baby. I am hopeful that one day things will work out ok for me. Right now I am not doing so great, but I am working on healing. I am working on crying and eating and reading and not listening to antiabortion podcasts and conservative news. I am a person who made a choice with a man I thought I loved, and the truth is life goes on. I know that some people will think my decision is evil, but I do not think it was. I think in the right time and in the right place I will have a child, and that child will be ok, but now was not the right time to bring a child into the world. I am not a chooser and I am not a baby killer. I am just a woman, who thought life worked out when it is essential to be prudent and safe with your partner. I do not blame him or hate him anymore because all of the sadness and hatred was eating me alive. I am letting it all go because it hurts too much to hold onto it alone. I am going to get better and I am going to be ok. My decision was my decision and I do not regret it, I guess I do not regret any of it because I was living, I am still living and when I die I will die having done things. I am going to stop being so silent because it is not ok to have gone through all of that alone and ashamed. I am not ashamed anymore and I am ready to talk about it. If you are going through an abortion, I am so sorry. You are loved and you are supported. I did not have anyone to talk to and that was the hardest part.
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